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Scraps: Jordan Schlansky's Masterpiece - CONAN on TBS

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Jordan Schlansky explains why "Star Wars" is superior to "Star Trek" for far far too long. More CONAN @ http://teamcoco.com/video Team Coco is the official YouTube channel of late night host Conan O'Brien, CONAN on TBS & TeamCoco.com. Subscribe now to be updated on the latest videos: http://bit.ly/W5wt5D For Full Episodes of CONAN on TBS, visit http://teamcoco.com/video Get Social With Team Coco: On Facebook: ‪https://www.facebook.com/TeamCoco‬ On Google+: https://plus.google.com/+TeamCoco/ On Twitter: http://twitter.com/TeamCoco On Tumblr: http://teamcoco.tumblr.com On YouTube: http://youtube.com/teamcoco Follow Conan O'Brien on Twitter: http://twitter.com/ConanOBrien
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Text Comments (6089)
mrdabbleswithpotion (2 hours ago)
Conan has said "he's a threat to every Irishman in the world". That's a bit extreme. Anyways on account of that, Conan really is acting as the white flag for AAAYYEEEE-RRIIISSSH people, presenting himself on my Youtube home page as the wholesome face of every AYYYEEE-REEEEESSH men. Ouuwww.... I used to respect you Conan, not in an elitist way that you are intelligent & a Harvard grad, but because you stood up to the liberal cause. You even have a staff that is very diverse. One that you're not shy to display. I even for a while wanted to believe the Jordan Schlansky character was real, but now it's become apparent that it's all a lie to really capture the millennial crowd. I don't think you're a despicable person, I just wish you'd just buzz off, but you won't. So here's what I'd do. For every single time a video of yours makes it way to my home page, to that video I will post this exact comment, copy-paste, verbatim. Let's play this game. ---- Why am I suddenly behaving badly? Not that I'm super nice online, even. People just created this memory of a super pleasant, stupid nice guy that they know so well, as if the memory is real. At the very least, even the dumbest (¹) will remember how horrible people were to me. For what? Nearly a decade? People just can't stand the memory of how they were so they just replaced it with the "memory" that I've always been this super nice, caring, sweet, forgiving guy that doesn't even care what you do to! I'll just forgive you no matter what! I'd just keep smiling! He's Filipino! Filipino are just like that! A point that these irish hijacked to no end. "Ouwwhhh, he's just this bhoy. Always just eager to please! He just wants everybody happy! It's always about kindness & helping each other out with his people". How do the irish know? Coz the irish are the Whites most like Filipinos, the irish say! I'd say it's the Spanish, but the irish will not have anything to do with them. So, eerrhhh? On conversations between the irish & Filipinos it will be unusual to ever bring up similarities, unless it mentions me. That really is only when the irish say that Filipinos are most like them. But it does solve a few issues.... Look! The Whites aren't being racists! His people are compared to another White group! Seems like the irish can just manage the mess that this person has created. At this realization, suddenly, Whites do see that the most common of them (conveniently not having to use Italians, which are a little bit too discriminated themselves) & his people are indeed similar!... Well, not see, as more as feel. It eases them. When I point out that, "no, I don't identify with you, in fact you people are doing the worst to my family...", but, the gossiping of the irish were quick to take, "Ouwwhh... He is a very screwed-up, self-hating person that always withdraws to himself & always say 'sooorry!' (²). He just feels so, so irish that he just can't help it! He identifies so much to us, that he hates us. We know these things about him... We're the ones that knows most about this bhoy... It is! It is indeed as so many people are saying now, he really just wants everybody to be happy & smiling! Ouuwhh yes,  he loves the irish face. He likes his face plump & round like maize walliams! Ouuuwwwh, he doesn't really mean it when he said this! Like we said, this is a very, very conflicted bhoy. He's acting out on you on something else that he feels about himself! Yes, yes.. Oh, no, no... It's not because of what you did or said to him"  Even the part that I said that the irish are doing the worst to us was being discarded. It's only being un-omitted now. Because of the insistence of the gossiping of them (no shortage there) that it's being drowned out & it's really hard to show that the worst cops & most psychics are irish. --- ¹ That aren't Vancouverites. ² I did say sorry a lot when I was working at Pet Habitat.
MartialArts4321 (3 hours ago)
Conan looks like me in about every class in high school
jingqh (5 hours ago)
I wonder what Jordan's true personality is.
Alexander Stone (6 hours ago)
BAHAHAH! LLAP, Jordan!
Mikoyみこい (10 hours ago)
im not the only one not listening to jordan and reading the comments
Damith Sasunika (13 hours ago)
Best actor
Republika Dugave (17 hours ago)
I love the speech but Star Trek i far superior to Star Wars...
danishdanieldan (18 hours ago)
This did put me to sleep I promise
Christian Rogers (1 day ago)
Jordan shockingly has a valid point, even though he dragged it out.
Martin Santro (1 day ago)
Okay SHELDON STOP!!!
Dhruv Rajnish (1 day ago)
Jordan is making sense😂😂😂
Skye M (2 days ago)
People make fun of those of us on the spectrum for aspergers because we tend to ramble but at least we're actually passionate unlike most people.
nicolas verkooijen (2 days ago)
why did i just watch jordan talk for 5 minutes
The_Artistic Big_Kamy (2 days ago)
Jordan's a beast man hahaha
Danny B (2 days ago)
This is gold.
Francis Ybanez (2 days ago)
listening to jordan will help me sleep.
Coomer 409 (2 days ago)
Jordan talks to much
Calvin (3 days ago)
I have to memorize this in case someone asks me the same question. xD
K Lu (3 days ago)
Conan seemed genuinely impressed.
E G (3 days ago)
The round of applause when Jordan comes on stage is deafening
hi
Jay The First (4 days ago)
Wanna know how to get Jordan to explain the universe to you? Ask him his name, and just listen.
Uno Pio de Roda (4 days ago)
An amazing extemporaneous speech. We practiced this in Uni and they’re usually about 5 or 10 mins long. You can practice this yourselves on any topic
shinmin takezo (4 days ago)
Oh my god i just thought of this earlier that jordan looks like spock
Chris Mav (4 days ago)
too good
Ernesto Enriquez (5 days ago)
I though, Conan was about to hit him with the guitar !!!! lmao !!!
Jordan is in need of a high thc suppository
Prisca Nemger (5 days ago)
So why was he dressed as Spock?
LunarxEclips3 (5 days ago)
I skipped 5min and he was still talking
sajit mujawar (4 days ago)
Same here
Sophini 88 (5 days ago)
1:18 - 6:36 ... wow, a solid 5 min 18 sec...
Jester Head (6 days ago)
I'm amazed by the fact there's loads of comments somehow correlating this speech to deep intelligence or high education. Are you people not passionate about anything. Literally anyone who is deeply passionate about a subject, particularly entertainment like films or videogames and has a half decent understanding of the English language could talk at this length and depth about it, naturally we don't do this in every day life for obvious reasons but, really, there's nothing spectacular about going off on a tangent in a conversation, scripted or not.
DOUGLAS HOTCHKISS (6 days ago)
Holy crap! Thats some yappin.
ClankyBeef516 (6 days ago)
the best part is he actually made sense and was not speaking gibberish
trill gates (6 days ago)
i could listen to jordan speak for hours...so intelligent
phoenixrebornfilms (6 days ago)
Star Wars is science fantasy. Star Trek is Science Fiction. Next.
rod long (6 days ago)
That could be the greatest monologue ever, and conan's straight face through the whole thing is funny as hell.
Mansor Burton (6 days ago)
Ok i'll be honest. I want him to go on an epidode of big bang theory and absolutely lay out sheldon haha
Nickydisko (6 days ago)
its actually amazing jordan can give such a detailed speech under pressure dressed like an idiot. I feel like this would take me a long time to memorize. I bet he's just winging it, impressive.
ThumbsHunter (7 days ago)
i enjoyed jordans explanation. and im not even a redditor, nor do i own a fedora.
Edward Blom (7 days ago)
To all people that says “All Schlansky bits are just scripted, he’s acting”, I mean of course they are to some extent, but that fact that this man can effortlessly ramble about Star Wars, while bringing up crazy similarities from Van Gogh and many more under 6 minutes, and not once going “Hey Conan, you’re supposed to interrupt me, I don’t know what more to say” and just keep carrying on while the audience laughs at his nerdyness, is such a solid proof that Jordan’s fascination with these things and his alien personality is deep within him.
L.D. Lemos (8 days ago)
@5:55 wow, quick punchline and then right back into it.
Tap Tap (8 days ago)
amazing. he should write a book or something. he needs to have an outlet plus he knows a lot of stuff and that knowledge should be documented.
Brandon Key (8 days ago)
*Professor Schlansky*
JohnnyDeppforlifee (9 days ago)
I love conans reaction to this haha
David Jaa (9 days ago)
I would have loved it if conan said could you repeat it please at the end
Mike Rotch (9 days ago)
Was there an audience? Lmao. Andy just bouncing his legs, balls deep in that phone not caring. It seems like it’s all a joke on schlansky, and I’m all for it 😂😂 Surprised they turned the cameras on
Emmanuel Shahid (10 days ago)
The look in conan face like goshhhhh shut the hell up hahahaha
Mike c (10 days ago)
Omg shut up Spock
Tom Bombadil (10 days ago)
Le 6 minutesater *French accent
Stephanie Dee (10 days ago)
He’s a living, breathing, thesis generator.
Ma yfLOwEr (11 days ago)
Jordan is the one person that makes me believe there's some sense for culture and the outside world left in America.
Can Doğan (11 days ago)
BIGGEST TROLL EVER.
Yonas Yerfström (11 days ago)
Asbergers??
MELEKH HA OLAM (11 days ago)
Lately YouTube is posting my comments multiple times.
MELEKH HA OLAM (11 days ago)
You could not come up with a worse example of parallel mythologies than Greece and Rome. That is appropriation of the Greek gods, etc. by the Romans,, not independent development of two different systems whatsoever. Also, that "hero's journey" thing is so vapid and misses the multitude of parallels in Star Wars to real life mythologies and extant religions. Just look Darth Maul, then ten-horned scarlet beast with ten crowns (one on each horn) for example.
Aleksandar (12 days ago)
Jordan Schlansky is a better Jordan Peterson than Jordan Peterson.
Anita Bath (12 days ago)
Schlansky needs to launch a phone service where he calls my date (who is decidedly a psycho) and spends 10 minutes reciting a monologue that distracts them long enough for me to get up and leave. I'll pay.
Hudsondiamond (12 days ago)
He would win any court case
Sai Surisetti (12 days ago)
Oh man, I just love this so much.
CHICOIZPAIN (12 days ago)
To talk for 5 mins straight off the head... is AMAZING!!! LOL   Jordan needs his own show ... lmao
Kudmond (13 days ago)
For 6 minutes?! Nice 😄
Frank Piazza (13 days ago)
AWESOME!
XtremeConditions (13 days ago)
Awesome thoughts from Jordan. However, it almost sounds like his initial ideas about how Star Wars and Star Trek differ, makes them sound fairly similar. Anyone?
Erwin T (13 days ago)
I literally felt asleep...🤣
BotLane GrandMaster (14 days ago)
I believe Jordan had his double espresso that day. He seems really hyped about Star Wars.
Swamy Dayanand (14 days ago)
Dam.....Schlansky.... you Killed Conan 😂😂😂
AGATHA (14 days ago)
Jordan's argument is fair one, but I have one of my own too: While I adore both works, I think the hallmark of great literature or media in general is that it has to be familiar yet challenging. Star Wars works because it falls back on the familiar structure of the hero's journey, but it falls short somehow because it fails to innovate or challenge the structure-- that's why the prequels and the sequels have faced the same form of criticism for being a rehashing of the original trilogy. It's merely talking about the same thing, about a young kid who becomes the great hero. What Jordan posits as Star Wars greatest asset is in fact its greatest weakness. Star Trek, on the other hand, takes the usual procedural format (think CSI and Law & Order) and challenges it by introducing or discussing political and philosophical concepts without feeling the need to directly address present social issues. In that sense, Star Trek challenges the usual format of procedural drama by bringing in a new dimension. Having said that, Star Wars works well as a movie precisely because it sticks to the hero journey's format. It makes for a great metanarrative that everyone can somehow relate or aspire to. But Star Trek is a postmodernist reaction to the hero's journey-- it centres on a different, localised narrative every episode, and thus the TV format works perfectly for Star Trek.
Like a Boss (14 days ago)
All of the Star Wars fans are nodding there heads in agreement
jesus christ himself (14 days ago)
Conan's hair
Ash Scott (15 days ago)
That should’ve gotten a louder applause after
Luis S. (15 days ago)
I would be really concerned if I'm a guest in Jordan's house and I desperately want to pee.. -Jordan, where's the restroom? -Interesting you ask that. If we think in the ancient Rome...
Alfareon (15 days ago)
This is Jordan feasting on Conan's soul
Ayan Shem (16 days ago)
whoever can transfer jordans monolougue into text as a comment... gets a gummy bear.. i will personally mail u an envelope with a single gummybear inside
kurt dawang (16 days ago)
Only a married man can shut up and take it like like that.
timmy yang (17 days ago)
I wish i could be like jordan when i give a 5 minute presentation
mr shilabuf (17 days ago)
see kids this is what happens when you watch star wars and star trek
Ginn (17 days ago)
Sorry Jordan, with all the glitter and word salads.....Star Trek is still 100% better
bio kido (16 days ago)
No.
Rex Stetson (17 days ago)
“That’s not really relevant to what I’m talking about here, but uuhhhh… interesting nevertheless.” 😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣
Rex Stetson (17 days ago)
I’ve always wondered if Jordan were real, or just a character. After seeing this, I finally believe.
Latoya James (18 days ago)
Jordon is so brilliant, and he represents all persons that are like this. That idiot that keeps laughing..
I could pay him to say long speeches to make me fall asleep
Peerybaby (19 days ago)
Schlansky enjoys listening to himself so much, it is incredible.
MythsQueue (19 days ago)
Very true though
William Brooks (19 days ago)
I think we all know someone like him acting or not😄😄😄😄
Zina LIANG (20 days ago)
Wow~ I never thought that 6 minutes could be so long.
Mmmyess (20 days ago)
I keep trying these Schlansky videos, and the humor began and ended with the office cleaning skit. I'm throwing in the towel. Good luck to everyone.
SkiFi Sk Music (21 days ago)
How long would it take to destroy anyone in any topic for Jordan? .. like 5-10 seconds? :D
Lennier Fernandez (21 days ago)
This guy needs to read some Aesthetics books so he can properly explain his point of view without needless tangential analogies. His philosophical framework for defining art is only one of many, and can be explained in like 2 sentences
Lennier Fernandez (18 days ago)
Maybe. I'd bet he's just pretentious
Ar-J Ariado (19 days ago)
+Lennier Fernandez yeah ofc dude this can be Jordan but I believe that he also has the capacity to simplify his ideas it's just that for the purpose of the skit, Jordan made sure that he went "full throtle" with his "speech" thus leading Conan to compliment Jordan on how long he did it and that Conan was supposed to stop him but for some reason wasn't on the script that was given to Conan (the monitor showing the script)
Lennier Fernandez (19 days ago)
+Ar-J Ariado I genuinely believe this is Jordan Shlansky, the true Jordam Shlansky, the one and factual only
Ar-J Ariado (19 days ago)
I'm pretty sure he can but I think he's just doing this for the humour and the skit
Jesse Petrowski (22 days ago)
That was awesome
I’m teaching the hero’s journey in class next week—I may share this. Thanks Jordan
Sriram Chillara (22 days ago)
Jordan schlansky you are a genius... To come out with this on the spot... Truly genius...
Mayra Baca (22 days ago)
Umm, Jordan’s explanation is amazing!
aka CN27 (23 days ago)
Listening to him is harder than listen to my biology class. GOD
antony Pizarro (24 days ago)
Should I be taking notes ?
Mitteilungsbedarf (24 days ago)
Star Wars versus Star Trek = Mythological versus Science Fiction.
Ceaserthe Ape (24 days ago)
Am I the only one who just started at the screen and didn’t listen to a thing Jordan said...
Hazys Day (24 days ago)
Hell of a rant ! 6 min.
Kino (24 days ago)
*NO BREAKS!*
CBROWN GALLERY (25 days ago)
I love Jordan.
Romain Albert (25 days ago)
Star Trek is a million times better!!

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