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Patrice O'Neal - Bit About How Men Need Women To Stop Bothering Them

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Sofie D (4 days ago)
He discribes my (soon to be ex-) boyfriend, he wants to be together ALL THE TIME, literally physical touching together al the time. With my legs on him. Holding hands in the car, even if he sits in the front and I am sitting in the back. If I wanna listen to some music with my earpluggs in, he feels left out and wants to hear my music too. If I wanna take a shower, he always try to stop me from taking a shower, cuz he's gonna be alone for 45 min. Now he wants glass doors in the house so he can watch every move I make. Otherwise he's gonna feel lonely. I can write a book about this guy so clingy, controling, with no friends, no hobbies nothin.
slugo 76 (28 days ago)
Direct hit!!!..RIP my brotha. Top five comedians in my book.
Lila Five (3 months ago)
One of my fav sketches ever i knows women so well lool
random person (4 months ago)
This guy wont leave me alone and he texts me 24/7 and ITS SO ANOYYING but ya its not just girls :/
Andreas MonteCristo (5 months ago)
The GREATEST. RIP patrice
Dani2wheels (5 months ago)
Proof that you don't have to do a dirty bit to have one of the top 10 bits in history. Hint hint Schumer
S I (8 months ago)
My lady needs to hear this. You don't ALWAYS have to put your legs up on lap, when on the couch together.
Roman Roman (9 months ago)
PIS187 (9 months ago)
Jackie Smith (10 months ago)
So hard to believe he'd dead
Pharaoh on LFS (11 months ago)
His delivery, his style, that hat, that suit. I love everything about Patrice haha
Nathan (1 year ago)
Every man in the world knows exactly what Patrice is saying. Women are the most irritating creatures known to man. It's almost as if their sole mission on planet Earth is to exasperate us with their whimsy, illogical thinking, constant inane questioning, pathetic whining and other mind-numbing trivia. And yet still we can't get enough of them! One wonders: is it them or us who need our heads rearranged?
denis (1 year ago)
I can't believe how many people are laughing, while I am here listening to this scared, like he is slapping my face.
Nickoli Lion (1 year ago)
I grew up thinking it was ridiculous to lie to your SO. So I tried always being honest with my women. I learned really fast that 100% honesty gets you no where.
jack bone (1 year ago)
Aint dat betta???
jack bone (1 year ago)
onionface (1 year ago)
Damn Patrice was good! This bit makes me cry every time.
1lifestyle (1 year ago)
wish he was alive to speak on this pc/feminist bullshit
tricksgrl2 (1 year ago)
I love this guy!😂
deadlypotency (1 year ago)
Dexter Torillo (1 year ago)
The 👑 lives on. Was that michael Bolton at the end or am I just trippin?
M WOLF (1 year ago)
Soju Nation (1 year ago)
This is like top ten comedy bits of all time worthy. And at least top 5. RIP Patrice!
Desmond (1 year ago)
LMAO "Mean it! Mean the kiss!" 1:50
David Jordan (1 year ago)
A God among men.
Jay McD (1 year ago)
Gospel truth
spacep0d (1 year ago)
100% true. Be nearby sometimes and accessible, but don't clutter my brain with your bullshit. :D Men and women just like different things, with overlap and exception. This guy's great.
James Jones (1 year ago)
🤣🤣 damn this shit true
Leif D (1 year ago)
True genius.
BonafydeTHC (1 year ago)
RIP Patrice! The number 1 underrated comic of our generation.
William ckemons (1 year ago)
100% FACTS
SundownTE (1 year ago)
This guy is describing every moment of my relationship with 100% accuracy
Hellion Shark (1 year ago)
No woman here complaining but lots of dudes cry under Carlin's audio book how offended they are. But sure women can't take honesty. this bit is funny as hell btw - I just pointed out the hypocrisy. At least the good thing is those crybabies introduced me to this dude. Gonna hear more of him.
Brodey the Barber (1 year ago)
facts...I swear this is sooooo true. lol
Xavier Campo (1 year ago)
So true!!!
Tears of War (1 year ago)
He is dead right about the light thing. I watch sports, tv, and movies in the dark on purpose.
Player One (1 year ago)
legend... God I miss this guy
letsgetsocialinfo (1 year ago)
the god patrice
s s (1 year ago)
47 grain bread
Reese L (1 year ago)
R.I.P. the best comedian hands down. Pat taught me so much growing up he on point with his shit.
MrCeo1978buddy (1 year ago)
ODB (1 year ago)
Gary Evans (1 year ago)
The few women who weren't laughing at this are clearly "what ya doin'" and "ain't that better" types
Metal Mayhem (3 months ago)
The ones that are laughing don't realize that's them.
Zion Rion (1 year ago)
Which stand up is this I am trying to find the full version I would really appreciate if some would leave a comment
Euroheat0022 (1 year ago)
Patrice is dead on we really want to be left a lone. Wish Women would get a clue about that
chrisrhudy2000 (1 year ago)
its so funny because its totally true i have not sat through a Superbowl in 5 freaking years just saying
Dawid Kowalewicz (1 year ago)
Why do we had to loose the KING.
Def Operator (1 year ago)
GOAT one of the funniest bits of all time.
The Snake Decides (2 years ago)
i used to live with some girl and the accuracy in this is uncanny. they won't let you chill for one single minute
Pragmatic Dissent (17 days ago)
+RT LW Some girl? Did you just break in and start living there or something?
RT LW (1 year ago)
but its was betta!
mazubamful (2 years ago)
Klwir Qldf (2 years ago)
The reason for this is... women are living below their capacity nowadays, and are bored. Too much has changed.
Drinell Williams (2 years ago)
Peyton Bell (2 years ago)
I've been with my wife for 18 yrs. love her to death, BUT CANT FUCKING STAND HER!
Ben Alvarez (1 year ago)
Bill BurrFan bruh, your comment just kind of described my whole life. Damn 😂😂😓😩😢
M WOLF (1 year ago)
Peyton Bell LOL feel you bruh
Ya Boy H.K Stain (1 year ago)
Peyton Bell Lmmfao I swear bro. My Wife is the light of my life, but damn she always around. Lmmfao
Nick DipaoloFan (1 year ago)
Millions of us out there brother. Men get with a girl because she was the best used car (pussy) salesman and we thought her pitch was actually her product but once we bought it, her lemon turned into a lemon..................Men get with a woman because he thinks she is genuine and he hopes she never changes, only to find out that they were misleading who they were. Women get with men who are genuine but the women hopes that you will change into what she wants you to become, then she feels deceived when you never change from who she married.
Han Solo (2 years ago)
tocsa120ls (2 years ago)
What's with the Steve Harvey getup?
Felix habarugira (2 years ago)
that's my girl he's describing lol
Govind Krishnan (2 years ago)
maybe if he ate more rat shit and twigs and less burgers he'd still be alive today
Michael Anderson (2 years ago)
ALive and miserable.
Dixie Normous (2 years ago)
fuck man, I have been watching clips of his stand up for hours. I really miss Patrice. He was so fucking funny. RIP
Rudi Algazzali (2 years ago)
Best comment to women about how to get men to like them between: 0:32 and 0:40. "Men want to be alone, but we don't want to be by ourself".
masterred82 (2 years ago)
I need to give 2 thumbs up.. One for his genius and one just for being Patrice...........RIP mate..
¤T'CHALLA¤ (2 years ago)
Patrice and Bill Burr are twins in comedy I swear.....they make the same points in their own styles.
Pookz (4 months ago)
FreddyFish the vast majority of comedians believe that. Even outspoken liberal comedians like bill maher rail against pc culture. See talking funny and Louis ck and Ricky gervais agree too, and Chris rock and even Seinfeld basically concede there can be good jokes about offensive subjects. All of the joe organ circle don’t give a fuck about being pc. Patrice and bills comedy are alike in way more ways than just not caring about offending. They are stylistically and thematically similar on a lot of issues
FreddyFish (5 months ago)
Patrice and Bill both hated the idea that jokes should not be done because someone is offended. They aren't just great comedians but also someone who doesn't let "I'm offended" control their comedy. Wish Patrice was still with us, such an inspiration.
ChrisJAHn Skylark (1 year ago)
trompetayritmo burr was majorly influenced by patrice
Foolish Demon (1 year ago)
trompetayritmo They came in together, Louis, Bobby, Kevin, all worked close to each other.
xct&f81 (2 years ago)
trompetayritmo dudeee I noticed that too lol
¤T'CHALLA¤ (2 years ago)
Man...I'm crying with tears HAHAHAHA
ERRATICCHEESE2 (2 years ago)
Levi Josefsson (2 years ago)
Best. Bit. Ever.
Silly Monkey (2 years ago)
annoying bitches
Auspex1980 (2 years ago)
I miss him a lot!
Juss_ Jay7 (2 years ago)
the man knows his stuff..man..rip
jakep1979 (2 years ago)
I really think some feminist just killed Patrice and covered it up cause she got mad of how good he broke things down. I wonder what Hillary was up to that day...
Plowbeast (2 years ago)
2:57 That guy is laughing his tears away.
Jan Jorissen (1 year ago)
Plowbeast he made his tears cry
bigstink9 (2 years ago)
LOLOLOL!!! Seriously gone to soon. RIP.
tojucomedianXL (2 years ago)
patrice is a tremendous comedian brilliant thinker writer performer but he looks goofy in this dreadful suit prefer him in hiphop clothes not this horrible getup
kbellx9 (2 years ago)
he showed up to the cellar one nite dressed like that and Bobby Kelly says to him "what are you, coming out with your own barbecue sauce?"
Jeff B (2 years ago)
You have to understand the times he was living in. This was when Bernie Mac hadn't yet kicked the bucket so all the blacks dressed like him
golden child (2 years ago)
The bit about the dry sandwich had me rolling!!! 'aint that betta?'
Mark Mays (2 years ago)
the summary at the end, i bursted laughing
1HourMartinizing (2 years ago)
you can sit in the vents. hahahahahahahah
¤T'CHALLA¤ (2 years ago)
MaKilla Gorilla (2 years ago)
I call this Patrice's traditional black look
Dino Con (2 years ago)
2:06 - 2:28 Basically my grandma.
cpthurme (2 years ago)
I actually laughed, usually I can keep a straight face ;D
Pjams (2 years ago)
always remembered the " but we don't wanna be by ourself " rest in piece Patrice
Luis Calvillo (2 years ago)
Genius RIP Patrice
Renegade Gaming (2 years ago)
Love this bit
Paul Buttari (2 years ago)
i miss him
Boogie Black (2 years ago)
I play this once a week to drop hints to my wife. I love you but go sit yo ass down somewhere
Ben Alvarez (1 year ago)
Lmao 😂😂
Norville Rogers (2 years ago)
MrShirye "being honest is hard man" the start of the video. how hard is life for you
candyrain009 (2 years ago)
Tell her to sit in the vents.
MrShirye (2 years ago)
instead of being scared of your wife and dropping hints, tell her ass how you really feel
BIG BOOM 2020 (2 years ago)
A HOT VINE. HAHAHAH and it's ALL true. That's why it' ssoooooooOOOOOOO damn Funny. Rest well sir. You deserve it. Blessings on blessings on blessings.
King DEUCE (2 years ago)
Patrice should have been a college professor because he can make philosophy so funny and entertaining! Lol! RIP brother there is only one Mr P!
szs voc (1 year ago)
except college profs have zero ideas, they just collect cheese
papa9fb (2 years ago)
Alexander Olson (2 years ago)
firozfuryu (2 years ago)
Is that Opie @ 2:55?
Jim Crow (2 years ago)
I gunna make my broad watch this tonight as part of her training. Ladies, leave us the hell alone when you live with us. We will stay with you forever.
jakep1979 (2 years ago)
Is it any wonder why men have created their "men caves" to run away too?!! I mean there used to be that " a man's house was his castle" but now men have a fucking room or a garage to sit quiet by themselves out of a whole fucling dweling like a servent?! What kind of a deal is that where you escape home from the boss at work to face the boss in your own home?!!
07 Maestro (2 years ago)
My God every women on the planet should be made watch this, RIP PON #legend
Inebriatd (2 years ago)
Almost punched my broad watching this... Patrice is dangerous.
¤T'CHALLA¤ (2 years ago)
Inebriatd easy now hahahaha
niawest (2 years ago)
Ain't that better! hehe
S. J. (2 years ago)
Aint that betta?
jakep1979 (2 years ago)
Watcha' doin'?!
S. J. (2 years ago)
Rana (2 years ago)
I am a girl and soo relate to this. I know someone like this.. I'm not much of a talker and can't be bothered with other people's pass time, not even my boyfriends, since I have my own hobbies. uhhh... it's sooo annoying when they need to express their opinions on your lifestyle and how it should be better... This was hilarious. Nice one Patrice
Rana (2 years ago)
+Adam typical egyptian woman... haha ah I see my name confused you. I 'm not egyptian. :D so not so typical egyptian hmm.. not that it matters.. Good thing I don't care what you think and that you are NOT the typical man. Who is this 'we'? You feel connected to people cause of your gender and feel you represent? Well isn't that cute.. Stop nagging other people about your views on women and stop priding yourself on smt you were born with ;)..... or do what you want which is what I truly believe in so... you keep on whining and I'll keep on living my life...kiss
The Tribe (2 years ago)
lol typical Egyptian woman :D it's hilarious coz this is what most women think of themselves and the ones who pride themselves of not being typical are the real entitled, nagging, opinionated, needy ass Bitches. We're not buying your shit, scram.
Rana (2 years ago)
+Bursting Wizard there are more of us, sweetie. If you actually look for those characteristics in women. But you would have to be secure in yourself. Insecure boyfriends have a hard time around me because they can't buy me. Some rather have what they already know
Nathaniel News Network (2 years ago)
+Bursting Wizard I was gonna say!
Bursting Wizard (2 years ago)
You sound almost like the ideal woman
Jason Kobos (3 years ago)
moesenfurz (3 years ago)
Thats one of the best bits ive ever seen in comedy, great idea and perfect execution
rafa (1 year ago)
He finished it when the laughing was at its highest. He was just a fucking God of comedy
Tazeem Chowdhury (3 years ago)
"A dry sandwich you don't want" tearrrsssss
insanebeatjunkie (3 years ago)
men get into a relationship to have sex. woman have sex to get into a relationship...watttt
g0neplatinum (1 year ago)
dropping gems
corsican lulu (1 year ago)
duh!? doesnt everyone know this? men use love to get sex, and women use sex to get love
jakep1979 (2 years ago)
Shit I said the exact same thing once. The reality is that for 5 minutes of heaven we men sold ourselves as slaves for life. That's why they sometimes refer to women "as the devil in disguise" cause only the devil can offer you a deal this bad.
insanebeatjunkie (2 years ago)
+DRock6906 yup one is giving up one thing for another
TheDalinkwent (3 years ago)
Damn it ladies..its true. Every things always peaceful and simple..until she comes home. Suddenly its drama, questions and endless talking despite the fact I'm clearly reading or watching something.
frylock456 (4 months ago)
"Where were you?" "Who did you go meet?" "How come you're home later than usual?" "What did you eat?" SHUT UP!!!!
Ryan Phillips (6 months ago)
Why do they do that? My girl does the same thing
BAD (8 months ago)
GZA036 😂😂😂🤣🤣 Trump be saying that
EnZo (11 months ago)
Whaca doing? 💅
Brandon Taylor (11 months ago)
Now I know not to make the same mistake you did
dead chic (3 years ago)
he was the greatest, ever
liftcarry123 (3 years ago)
increedible performance!
AGE0FQUARREL (3 years ago)
Whatcha doin?!

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